


Before You Go - Please Don't Go - Turn The Big Light Off

by TheForgottenDreams



Series: I Said 'I Love You' [14]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Angst, Break Up, Conversation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheForgottenDreams/pseuds/TheForgottenDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras complied and sat opposite Grantaire, now biting his lip as if those four words had given some kind of implication as to what Grantaire wanted to talk about. And, maybe it had done, they were a cliché, the most used words when going into a break up and Enjolras wasn’t as oblivious as his friends thought.</p><p>Plus, that’s what this was.</p><p>A breakup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before You Go - Please Don't Go - Turn The Big Light Off

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.

“Enjolras.” 

Grantaire pressed his lips together as he slipped through the translucent curtains that separated the room from the balcony, the doors thrown open to let the late summer air in. The blond stood looking out onto the Paris street, the sleepy sun highlighting his hair in gold, making him shine, accentuating his cheekbones and freckles and no R, no-

“Hey ‘Taire.” Enjolras smiled at him, reaching an arm out to pull Grantaire in closer, Grantaire saw it, saw the way the contact would blur his mind because Enjolras must have some kind of magic power that made him unable to think and he couldn’t let that happen, he needed to change this. “Sleep well?”

“I slept fine.” Grantaire shrugged, going to sit on one of the patio chairs by the table. He purposely didn’t look at Enjolras’ face as he did so. His hurt expression always made Grantaire’s resolve crumble. “Did you?”

“I always sleep well with you next to me.” Enjolras’ voice was pensive, on the edge, cautious. And yeah, he wasn’t stupid, he probably saw this coming, probably knew everything Grantaire was going to say. Had probably known for months. 

“Enjolras, sit down please.” Grantaire looked at him then, saw the uncertainty on Enjolras face through the furrowed brow, the edges of his mouth, moving down, jaw clenched. “We need to talk.”

“Okay.”

Enjolras complied and sat opposite Grantaire, now biting his lip as if those four words had given some kind of implication as to what Grantaire wanted to talk about. And, maybe it had done, they were a cliché, the most used words when going into a break up and Enjolras wasn’t as oblivious as his friends thought.

Plus, that’s what this was.

A breakup.

Grantaire was thankful Enjolras sat patiently, waiting for him to put into words everything he had to, letting him think without pressure, letting him build up an argument, his reasoning. It meant he could have a decent shot of getting out everything he wanted, everything he needed to say – but in some way, Grantaire wished Enjolras was different, wished he’d deny they needed a conversation, deny they had problems and that Grantaire was allowed to have emotions, pressure him to speak, get on edge and get angry because that way, Grantaire could hate him a little, that way Grantaire could justify it more.

“I can’t,” Grantaire blurted, looking at the table so he wouldn’t see Enjolras’ reaction. “I can’t do this anymore, Enjolras, I’m sorry, it’s been great and I wouldn’t change it for anything, honestly, we’ve had a good time together, but I can’t carry it on.” 

“That’s- I uh, okay.” Enjolras’ voice was softer than normal, delicate, unconfident. It didn’t suit him and it killed Grantaire to be the cause of that, but he had to do this, he had to, “Can I ask why?”

“The lies are affecting my friendships. I haven’t spent one and one time with Cosette in ages, I know the band know something is wrong, they just don’t know what, everyone is walking on egg shells around me in case they set me off or something. I can’t tell anyone anything in case I give us away and then the whole world would know. It makes the pressure immense and it’s only going to get worse as our careers take off, we’ve already had so many scares about others finding out about us so maybe fate is telling us we should stop? 

“I don’t know. I don’t know how to act around you anymore, we’re not the same and we can’t ever be the same again around our friends. I miss that, we got on so easily before but now there’s something between us, we keep distancing ourselves I don’t know, but there’s something that wasn’t there before. And like, there’s an imbalance of feelings, maybe that’s it, I know there is, don’t say anything okay, I know you know and I’m grateful you’ve not said anything about it, so let’s leave it the elephant in the room.” Grantaire sighed.

“I-I get it.” Enjolras nodded, brows furrowed, eyes on the table.

“You’re red and I’m blue. They don’t work. They make purple, but purple isn’t right. Purple isn’t us.” Grantaire was aware he was rambling, “You’re red, you’re Apollo. I’m blue. I’m Icarus. It was nice whilst it lasted but it was never meant to be permanent. We’re temporary, watercolours and our time is out. They don’t work.”

“They don’t.” Enjolras echoed, voice blank, though Grantaire couldn’t sense that, too lost in his own head. 

“Is that it?” Grantaire looked at him, he felt a stabbing pain under his heart. Why wasn’t Enjolras fighting for him? Why wasn’t he crying or begging? Why wasn’t he doing something? Oh yeah, because he meant nothing to him. Nothing at all. He didn’t love him. He didn’t love him enough to fight for him. He didn’t love him period.

“It’s your decision, you have to do what’s best for you. I know you, I know you must have been thinking about this for a while and if this is what you want then I’ll accept it. Your happiness is so important to me R, I want that more than anything and if you can’t find that with me then I’ll let you go. I’m not going to try to make you stay when you aren’t happy.” Enjolras told him, pausing, looking so unsure and vulnerable, he swallowed and his voice cracked around the edges, “You mean a lot to me, Grantaire and I just, I just want the best for you.”

“I, thank you Enjolras.” Grantaire looked up at him, Cosette said Enjolras was the easiest to read out of their group but Grantaire, for the life of him, couldn’t read anything in the blond’s eyes or his mouth, nothing in his hands or posture. Enjolras looked as he ever did. Beautiful. Untouchable. Marble.

“Maybe eventually we can be what we were before? Friends? I don’t want to pressure you or anything-”

“No, I’d like that.” Grantaire nodded, another cliché. He didn’t feel relieved, didn’t feel the elation he thought he would, instead he felt heavy, kind of like a rock, a rock dropped into the sea, slowly sinking. “So, we’re over?”

“I guess.” Enjolras replied, pressing his lips together, “I, I can’t, uh, I’m going to go, I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see you around.” 

Grantaire sat dazed at the table, the sunlight filtering through the clouds lazily. He listened as Enjolras rushed through the hotel room, grabbing the few things he had brought with them, he tried to memorise the sound, ingrain it into his brain. And then it stopped. The door clicked shut and if Grantaire turned around he knew the blond would have gone. 

It wasn’t until then that Grantaire realised he hadn’t wanted Enjolras to leave at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'I Like It When You Sleep For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware' by The 1975 - coincidentally the title has more words than actually in the song.  
> I want to apologise for the angst, it will get worse before it gets better. 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as Beelzebertha.
> 
> ATTENTION: okay, so being the ditz I am I forgot to upload one of the parts, it is part 12 - And Love Me, If That's What You Wanna Do - if you want to go back and read it, sorry for that - it's just a transition part but it marks the start of the new The 1975 album.


End file.
